Talking About Money With Your Partner

When it comes to combining your money with your partner or spouse, you have a range of options. Some couples choose to blend all their income into joint accounts, while others feel more comfortable maintaining a little—or a lot—of autonomy.

Either way, coming up with a plan is important. In fact, according to our 2024 Consumer Sentiment Survey, financial compatibility is a key concern in relationships. More than half of Americans say it’s more important than shared political views (58 percent), religion (56 percent) or hobbies (52 percent).

Questions to answer before combining your finances

You can know what will work for you and your partner only if you talk it through. Focus on getting answers to these three questions:

1. How do you like to budget?

Maybe you’re the type who likes detailed spreadsheets, while your partner prefers quick check-ins on an app. In other words, you and your partner may have different spending and budgeting styles (opposites attract, right?). Share the ways you’ve individually managed your money up to this point and how helpful it’s been in tracking your spending and saving.

If joint accounts are in your future, decide if there’s a budgeting method that works best for you both. One partner might prefer to take the lead on budgeting, which is totally fine if that feels good. Just be sure the other person is in the loop and participates equally in decisions.

2. What financial goals are important to you?

Day-to-day spending aside, you’ll also want to think about your short- and long-term goals. That includes retirement planning. If you each have your own 401(k) or individual retirement account (IRA), you may need to adjust your contributions based on the type of retirement you envision together.

Now is also the time to discuss and prioritize what else is important to you. Consider everything from paying down debt to taking a dream vacation to starting a family. Write down any shared goals that you’re both saving for now—and what you want to save for in the future. Your answers might inspire you to keep some goals separate while continuing to work jointly on others.

3. How often should we discuss our finances?

Talking about money can help you understand each other’s income, debt, credit score and money habits, which will likely affect your financial future together. But talking about money can be difficult for some couples. In our survey, we found that more than one-third (37 percent) of coupled Americans avoid discussing at least one financial topic with their partner. The most commonly avoided topics are their budget, their separate financial accounts and how much they make.

We share some tips for talking about money with your partner in our A Better Way to Money^® podcast. Click the link to listen to the episode or read the transcript.

Financial conversation starters for couples

Even if you know that it’s important to talk about money with your partner, you may not know where to start. We’ve compiled a list of questions you can use to begin the money conversation, broken down by category.

Your money histories

Start by sharing your formative experiences. These questions are an opportunity for a little self-reflection and a window into why you and your partner may approach money differently.

• What is your first memory around money?
• What were you taught about money?
• Did you experience financial security or struggles growing up?
• Did you have a lot of stuff as a child?

Your money attitudes

Exploring how your outlook on money compares to your partner’s can help you work through differences early, before they turn into financial conflict.

• Do you consider yourself a spender or a saver?
• What are the top three things worth spending money on (vacation, home renovations, clothes, etc.)?
• Would you go into debt for something you want or wait and save?
• What is your philosophy around tipping?

Your money habits

It’s important to move beyond abstract attitudes and see how you actually behave with money.

• Do you contribute to savings and investment accounts regularly or only when you have some money left over?
• What is getting in the way of saving?
• Do you track your spending? How?
• Which money habit of yours would you change?

Your money goals

Our financial situations aren’t static. They evolve over time. So, it makes sense to understand not just how you both interact with money today but how your long-term goals may shape your finances decades from now.

• If you had more money in your budget, would you fully fund your kids’ college tuition or save more for your retirement?
• What major purchases are you hoping to fund?
• What would you do with a $100,000 inheritance?
• What does your ideal lifestyle look like down the road?

Pro tip: Your money conversations should be ongoing, especially as your life and goals change. Together, decide how often it makes sense to check in on your financial health. That includes everyday expenses and longer-term goals.

It’s also helpful to set individual spending limits. This is the maximum amount you both feel comfortable spending without having to inform the other person. It’s a simple move that can help prevent unwanted budgeting surprises and financial infidelity.

Your financial advisor can help

Getting on the same page financially starts with a conversation in which you put judgment aside and create a safe space to be honest about how you want to combine your income, expenses and accounts. Once you do, it’ll be easier to start planning for goals like buying a home, having kids and retiring. And your Northwestern Mutual advisor can provide personalized guidance every step of the way.