5 Important Money Conversations Newlyweds Need to Have

Talking about money with your significant other can be tricky at any stage of your relationship. But when you decide to get engaged or married, the stakes become higher.

Even if you and your partner talked about money while dating, there are a few topics you’ll want to cover as you approach tying the knot (or shortly thereafter) to ensure you’re both on the same page. While no couple is going to agree on every financial decision, communication can help you avoid surprises and friction. Here are five important money conversations couples need to have soon after marriage.

1. How do you handle credit card debt?

Everyone handles credit card debt differently. Some are stressed out by balances and will pay off their bill in full each month, while others are comfortable carrying a balance from month to month. No matter where you and your partner stand, “it’s imperative to know how you both feel about carrying debt and to understand what debt you are taking on from your spouse or partner when you marry,” says Tina Tessina, a licensed marriage and family therapist.

That’s because when it comes to future shared goals, like getting a mortgage, your credit scores and the total debt you owe will be a major factor in determining what lending terms you qualify for. Even if you have separate accounts and pay your own bills, you should have a solid understanding of how each of you handles debt so that you can work together to manage it and come up with a plan for paying it down.

2. What do you consider a large purchase?

Many relationships have a saver vs. spender dynamic when it comes to individual purchases. One way to reconcile differences is to determine a set amount of money each partner can spend without consulting the other that feels right for your budget. It may sound stringent, but think of it as a respectful way to stay within each partner’s comfort level rather than a way to control the other person’s spending.

3. What purchases are worth it to you — and what feels like a waste of money?

Your financial conversations should include the fun stuff, too. But if you and your partner disagree about what you consider an appropriate splurge, you could run into issues. For instance, would you rather travel more frequently on a smaller budget, or wait longer so you can go on a luxury trip? To get ahead of any disagreements, write down your spending priorities and what you each think is a “waste” of money.

It’s OK if you don’t agree. In fact, “it’s a given that you will have different ideas and styles when it comes to earning and spending money,” Tessina says. “Becoming aware of these differences gives you a chance to plan for large expenditures together, each contributing your own point of view about what spending is important to you, and what will benefit your future together.”

4. How do you feel about student loan debt?

Unlike credit card debt, student loan debt is considered good debt and tends to have a low interest rate (plus, federal student loan repayments have been paused until September). But next to a mortgage, it’s likely to be the debt that takes the longest for you and your partner to pay off.

Do you want to pay off student debt as soon as possible or stick to your current payment schedule? As with any other type of debt, student loan payments can have a big impact on your household budget, but it's important to look at it within the context of your broader debt management plan. A financial advisor can help you both figure out which debts make the most sense to focus on first.

5. Are we paying for our kids’ college?

While there are a number of financial considerations that come with starting a family, paying for your kids’ college would require planning that starts while they are still young.

First, you and your partner will need to decide if you plan to pay for all, some or none of your future children’s higher education costs. “These conversations will help you get on the same page about your savings goals,” Tessina says. Of course, college won’t be your only savings goal, and paying for college shouldn’t come at the expense of other important goals like retirement. Sit down with an advisor to go over all your goals and create a financial plan that takes your bigger picture into account.